The pika is a tiny mammal that is even more adorable than its adorable sounding name. Most of the year it is a vegetarian, but during the desperate Alaskan winters, the pika turns into a meat-eating heathen. It even has a creepily sophisticated system of consuming its victims that would impress even Hannibal Lecter.
During the warmer months the pika act like normal rodents, leisurely eating grass and other plants, and mating until the sun goes down.
Summertime, and the living is leafy.
But while most creatures only have one den, the pika also creates a secret cellar, separate from where he sleeps. What is this cellar for? Well, it”s not for wine that”s for sure.
I like to imagine the pika lighting a little pika-sized candelabra when retreating to his cellar.
In winter, when food is scarce, birds freeze to death and drop to the ground. The pika shepherds the body into the cellar, where it pierces its skull with its teeth and eats the brain. The body is kept separately from his home because the pika knows it will attract bigger predators.
Like most horror movie villains, the pika”s cellar is where the murder happens.
After the bloody and brutal winters, the pika goes back to its prissy, vegetarian lifestyle like it didn”t just lobotomize a bunch of birds for 3 months.
This is why you should never fully trust your vegetarian friends. At the very least, don”t go into their cellars.