I love my phone just as much as the next person, but can we all just admit that we’ve let technology’s reach extend a little too far? While scrolling idly through Twitter is undoubtedly the least awkward way to wait alone at a restaurant for your friend who’s consistently two hours late for everything, perhaps we should stuff our iPhones back in our pockets when real-life human beings sit down across from us.
Countless publications have addressed this issue, and some restauranteurs have even banned the use of cellphones in their establishments. But other joints — like Black Tap Craft Burgers & Beer, for example — have embraced the phenomenon by creating culinary delights that are ripe for Instagram posting. While they might look cool, these shakes bring a whole new meaning to being a little bit extra.
I thought they were sculptures at first, but then I figured out that people somehow put these things in their faces.
Confusingly dissatisfied by milkshakes like this that no human in the history of ever has complained about, they decided to use ice cream like glue and turn milkshakes into leaning towers of edible gratuitousness.
But at least they’re not hiding their social media motivation. “My wife wanted me to make her a cotton candy milkshake, so I whipped something up, put it on Instagram, and the rest was history,” Black Tap owner and head chef Joe Isidori explained to ABC.
They’re clearly unabashed by the fact that this stuff looks almost impossible to eat.
And this one’s on fire, because who doesn’t want to battle flames to get to their dessert?
I love all of these things. I do not want to physically fight with all of these things.
No one wants to eat caramel apples on Halloween, and no one wants to eat them now.
So what do these milkshakes taste like? Milkshakes. They probably taste like milkshakes.
Beyond that, their main purpose in life is to help you prove to your friends for absolutely no reason that you have, in fact, ingested a milkshake. Don’t worry. Everyone totally cares.
After all, there’s nothing like enjoying a totally normal meal like a well-adjusted adult and finishing it off with something that looks like an edible Muppet.
At the end of the day, I can walk around acting like a hater all I want, because these made-for-IG shakes are drawing people to Black Tap in droves. I personally don’t want to have to endure a smackdown with my milkshake prior to digging in, but to each their own. If you decide to give one of these a try, just remember to share it on Instagram. Pics or it didn’t happen, friends.
If these shakes are giving you your full life, be sure to follow Black Tap on Instagram.