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These 12 Fountains Look Pretty…Until You Realize Something Is Really Weird

Fountains are always nice to spend time around in any park. There”s something about the sound of slowly trickling water that I find quite calming.

What”s not tranquil at all is the fact that every fountain I see almost always features a little boy peeing. Why is this? When did we associate picnicking with a grade schooler taking out his pecker? Here are some of the most distracting fountains from around the world.

Someone give that baby a bag to puke in. Also, clothes.

Someone give that baby a bag to puke in. Also, clothes.

I guess this is what a pissing contest would look like.

I guess this is what a pissing contest would look like.

Two Peeing Guys by David Cerny.

Starting to notice a running theme with some of these statues.

Starting to notice a running theme with some of these statues.

Mannekin Pis, Brussels, Belgium.

This is the problem with making dude-shaped fountains. There”s only one place for the water to come out.

This is the problem with making dude-shaped fountains. There

Nation for Itself Forever by David Cerny.

Ok, this isn”t much better.

Ok, this isn

Jeanneke Pis, Brussels, Belgium.

Statues party hard, ya”ll.

<em></em>Statues party hard, ya

Vomiting Fountain Sculpture, London, U.K.

This poses questions about mermaid anatomy that I never wanted to ask.

This poses questions about mermaid anatomy that I never wanted to ask.

Mermaid Milking Herself, Bologna, Italy.

Cheery as always, Wales has made a fountain with water the color of blood.

Cheery as always, Wales has made a fountain with water the color of blood.

Blood Fountain, Swansea, Wales.

Just once I want to see a fountain that features a fully clothed boy peeing into a toilet like he was raised to do.

Just once I want to see a fountain that features a fully clothed boy peeing into a toilet like he was raised to do.

Boy Urinating On Frog, Kansas City, MO.

This fountain is perfect for decorating the swampy hideout for your Legion of Doom.

This fountain is perfect for decorating the swampy hideout for your Legion of Doom.

Swarovski Fountain, Austria.

Come on down to the Crown Fountain in Chicago, where you too can feel like you”re being spat on by Zordon from Power Rangers.

Come on down to the Crown Fountain in Chicago, where you too can feel like you

Crown Fountain, Chicago, IL.

I don”t even know what”s going on with this fountain. I don”t think I”m on enough acid to understand what”s going on here.

I don

Charybdis, Sunderland, U.K.

I dunno, maybe I”m just an old fashioned guy, but whatever happened to our fountains being fountain-shaped? Is that, like, not a thing anymore, or are we onto the whole “going to the bathroom” phase of art?