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20 Best Moments from the Justin Bieber Roast

For those of you who watched Comedy Centrals Roast of Justin Bieber this week, you may have just started to to recover from the laugh fest. In one of the greatest roasts yet, the Biebs took heat for an hour of tasteless, amazing, side splitting, cover your eyes comedy as the 21 year old got a piece of humble pie. Even though his apology at the end was contrived and obviously written by his handlers, the event is giving Bieber a new chance to change his dumb-ass ways. Click through to see the best quotes of the night.

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“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.” –Hannibal Buress

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“I love Kevin Hart’s career plan: Do everything Martin Lawrence did, only shittier” Justin Bieber

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“Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their hair cut.” –Jeff Ross

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“I know you’ve been on Ellen 14 times. You acted so much like a pussy on the show, Ellen tried to eat you.” – Ludacris

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“You literally are a guy who has it all …; Except respect, love, friends, good parents and a Grammy.” – Chris D’Elia

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“When Kevin Hart finally got his first big pay check, he spent $150,000 on a watch. I forget the term for that…; It’s not “African-American rich’…; It’ll come to me …; Justin, you know the word…;” –Martha Stewart

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“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now.” – Jeff Ross

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“…;if Anne Frank could’ve heard your music, she’d have Ubered to Auschwitz.” – Jeff Ross

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“Justin was born to a teenage single mom. No wonder he’s got moves – he was in the womb trying to dodge a coat hanger” –Natasha Legerro

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“What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” –Justin Bieber

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“In fact, I pulled my pants down and took a big creamy shit in the green room because I thought to myself ‘That’s how the Biebs would do it.” – Ron Burgundy

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“Justin Bieber has the voice of an angel. And he has the haircut and tattoos of a lesbian butcher. This shit is bad.”-Kevin Hart

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“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters”-Ludacris

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“Justin’s fans are called Beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the word retards.” –Natasha LegerroHannibal+Buress+Comedy+Central+Roast+Justin+uuF3XqdC9ksl
“I’m not a fan. I don’t like your music. I think it’s bad. I think it’s bad, man. I don’t like it. I hate your music. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.” –Hannibal Buress

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“People refer to Mr Bieber as a kid or a boy. Well here’s a newsflash, gang: He’s a man. A full-grown man, who works and loves and makes things with his hands. A man who sings songs for nine-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater.” – Ron Burgundy

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“Damn look at Snoop, for example, he looks like “Shaq’s skeleton,” –Kevin Hart

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“All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time” –Natasha Leggero

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“You’re about to get fucked harder than Orlando Bloom fucked Selena Gomez.” – Chris D’Elia

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“Justin, you have such a huge career behind you.” – Jeff Ross